this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
