just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
