I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
