don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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