I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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