i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
