Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't deserve a penis
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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