I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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