My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
