I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
