I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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