Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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