Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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