Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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