Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
