just come out here and I will go home with you...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
