I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
