apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
