you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
