Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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