I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
