Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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