mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm bleeding and have questions
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
