my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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