I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
