you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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