What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
