Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
