So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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