some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
