judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
