just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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