I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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