There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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