My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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