five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
