in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
