If that was your dad, he is hot
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He? As in you personified your dick?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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