please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
