a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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