you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
two words: eviction party
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
