a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
