Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
