Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
