He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
