Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
