Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
