I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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