Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's Friday. Sex?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
