A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
