just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
